I wrote this to help explain why we want to donate to the MS Society as part of our Gofundme campaign. You can check the campaign out at:  https://www.gofundme.com/axfitness

What is the deal with the MS Society and The Trainer?

When people look at me they don't see MS. It's not something that is visible. I don't look sick. I don't act sick. I'm usually a little embarrassed to mention it. I think it's important that people know that I have to work hard to be who I am and do what I do. I think it's important for you to know that I have to overcome adversity almost every day and that I am willing to give all the good parts of myself to you. Some things that you may not know:

When I look in the mirror, I don't see the same me. I see that my face has paralysis and that I don't like having my photo taken because of it. Some days I slur (without beer) and lose my words. When I drop something it's because my brain is not making the connection to my hand to close it, which happens entirely too much. I lose my balance for no good reason. I'm a germaphobe because my immune system is weaker than others and since I am the one that runs my small business...I don't have time to be sick. Sometimes I have a low grade fever for days/weeks at a time, which exhausts me and makes recovery and healing harder for my body to achieve.

The majority of lesions on my brain are located in the frontal lobe, which is directly connected to emotion. My fuse can be short, my temper quick, my laughter loud, my feelers more sensitive and I can't really control it even when I know it's happening. I don't have a regular sleep cycle, which is normal for MS folks, so I get pretty testy when people criticize the hours I keep...like its a choice. Stress can, and usually does, promote the onset of an MS episode. On certain days I feel like my eyes are playing tricks on me, even when I can actually find my glasses. I have numbness and tingling throughout the left side of my body. It is particularly bad in my fingers and my gate is off when I run, which breaks my heart because running has always been my thing. Some days I have muscle weakness for no reason at all which is infuriating considering how well I take care of myself.

I know that I am much more fortunate than many MS folks...at least for now. I don't know how it will affect me in the future. I try not to think about it much and hope that research can continue to find ways to fight this disease. I try to concentrate on being as healthy as possible. I want to get the most out of each moment. I think sometimes it makes me a person with high expectations. Time is a funny thing and I don't want it to slip by without me giving as much as I can in the best ways I know how. I want to experience everything I can...all at once.

Expanding into a better facility with more space, equipment, and class options for my clients and friends while also having the opportunity to offer a program for women's sports teams is a battle I gladly engage in. It's the good fight. It means I am alive, dreaming, and hoping to give as much as I can of myself until I have nothing left.

If it never happens, I know that I have been fortunate enough to change some lives for the better. I also know that I have been fortunate enough to call so many of our community members my friends. I do know that they appreciate what I bring to their lives and I hope they all know what they bring to mine.

Maybe you know others that suffer more drastically than myself. In any case, the more money we can raise, the more we can give to the MS society to help the fight this disabling disease. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Make sure you get out and do something for yourself today and tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Life is a precious commodity.

Trainer Out!